Either people need to learn how to tell the difference between an “I’m sorry” that takes direct responsibility and an “I’m sorry” that signifies sympathy, or I’m gonna start responding to unfortunate information with a solemn nod and a “Sympies,” because I am tired of receiving a “Why? It wasn’t your fault” every time I try to vocalize compassion.
“Worf (Michael Dorn) was my first love. That voice, Richter 6.5-that forehead-those dark, worried eyes-those ethical problems! The glimpses of Klingon dynastic struggles were like Shakespeare’s plays about the kings of England, full of quarrels and treachery and kinfolk at each other’s throats-just like a family Christmas. I love that stuff. Worf, caught between two worlds, was a powerful figure, tragic. Being in love with him I thought was safe, until I saw the episode in which Capt. Picard (Patrick Stewart) lives a whole life in 25 minutes, and then the one where he revisits his home and brother in France. Such a strong, sensitive, intelligent man, so short, so bald, so beautiful-well, so I’m a bigamist.” —Ursula K. Le Guin, writing for TV Guide, 1994
Which is about people wanting an AO3 app, but then it became large and way off topic, so here you go.
Nobody under the age of 20 knows how to use a computer or the internet. At all. They only know how to use apps. Their whole lives are in their phones or *maybe* a tablet/iPad if they’re an artist. This is becoming a huge concern.
I’m a private tutor for middle- and high-school students, and since 2020 my business has been 100% virtual. Either the student’s on a tablet, which comes with its own series of problems for screen-sharing and file access, or they’re on mom’s or dad’s computer, and they have zero understanding of it.
They also don’t know what the internet is, or even the absolute basics of how it works. You might not think that’s an important thing to know, but stick with me.
Last week I accepted a new student. The first session is always about the tech – I tell them this in advance, that they’ll have to set up a few things, but once we’re set up, we’ll be good to go. They all say the same thing – it won’t be a problem because they’re so “online” that they get technology easily.
I never laugh in their faces, but it’s always a close thing. Because they are expecting an app. They are not expecting to be shown how little they actually know about tech.
I must say up front: this story is not an outlier. This is *every* student during their first session with me. Every single one. I go through this with each of them because most of them learn more, and more solidly, via discussion and discovery rather than direct instruction.
Once she logged in, I asked her to click on the icon for screen-sharing. I described the icon, then started with “Okay, move your mouse to the bottom right corner of the screen.” She did the thing that those of us who are old enough to remember the beginnings of widespread home computers remember - picked up the mouse and moved it and then put it down. I explained she had to pull the mouse along the surface, and then click on the icon. She found this cumbersome. I asked if she was on a laptop or desktop computer. She didn’t know what I meant. I asked if the computer screen was connected to the keyboard as one piece of machinery that you can open and close, or if there was a monitor - like a TV - and the keyboard was connected to another machine either by cord or by Bluetooth. Once we figured it out was a laptop, I asked her if she could use the touchpad, because it’s similar (though not equivalent) to a phone screen in terms of touching clicking and dragging.
Once we got her using the touchpad, we tried screen-sharing again. We got it working, to an extent, but she was having trouble with… lots of things. I asked if she could email me a download or a photo of her homework instead, and we could both have a copy, and talk through it rather than put it on the screen, and we’d worry about learning more tech another day. She said she tried, but her email blocked her from sending anything to me.
This is because the only email address she has is for school, and she never uses email for any other purpose. I asked if her mom or dad could email it to me. They weren’t home.
(Re: school email that blocks any emails not whitelisted by the school: that’s great for kids as are all parental controls for young ones, but 16-year-olds really should be getting used to using an email that belongs to them, not an institution.)
I asked if the homework was on a paper handout, or in a book, or on the computer. She said it was on the computer. Great! I asked her where it was saved. She didn’t know. I asked her to search for the name of the file. She said she already did that and now it was on her screen. Then, she said to me: “You can just search for it yourself - it’s Chapter 5, page 11.”
This is because homework is on the school’s website, in her math class’s homework section, which is where she searched. For her, that was “searching the internet.”
Her concepts of “on my computer” “on the internet” or “on my school’s website” are all the same thing. If something is displayed on the monitor, it’s “on the internet” and “on my phone/tablet/computer” and “on the school’s website.”
She doesn’t understand “upload” or “download,” because she does her homework on the school’s website and hits a “submit” button when she’s done. I asked her how she shares photos and stuff with friends; she said she posts to Snapchat or TikTok, or she AirDrops. (She said she sometimes uses Insta, though she said Insta is more “for old people”). So in her world, there’s a button for “post” or “share,” and that’s how you put things on “the internet”.
She doesn’t know how it works. None of it. And she doesn’t know how to use it, either.
Also, none of them can type. Not a one. They don’t want to learn how, because “everything is on my phone.”
And you know, maybe that’s where we’re headed. Maybe one day, everything will be on “my phone” and computers as we know them will be a thing of the past. But for the time being, they’re not. Students need to learn how to use computers. They need to learn how to type. No one is telling them this, because people think teenagers are “digital natives.” And to an extent, they are, but the definition of that has changed radically in the last 20-30 years. Today it means “everything is on my phone.”
we stopped having computer classes because ‘everyone knows how to use a computer’ and then we suddenly fucking didn’t
I gotta say, one of the greatest achievements of my 20s was that I learned (mostly) to differentiate between:
“I truly do not want to go” and
“I’m just feeling the Demand Avoidance, and I will like it once I get there.”
Well, goodness, this one resonated much more than I was expecting. I mean, I get it. My mind was also blown wide open when I found out “demand avoidance” was a thing that existed, and that I’m not the only weirdo in the world who suddenly wishes it wasn’t her birthday after anxiously waiting for her birthday for days.
Loads of people in the tags are asking how I do it? I feel this won’t be groundbreaking advice, but here is what I have learned:
Previous experience. Really no way around it. Now that I hit thirty, I feel like I have done enough things to know, intellectually, from experience, what will feel nice if I overcome the avoidance, and what won’t. For example, every time I go to the beach, I wake up early and would rather eat a tire than get off the bed. But I remember that every time I got up and went to the beach, I was glad I did it. So I just get up, feeling like shit, and get ready, feeling like shit, and I get to the beach and magic!! I feel great, I love the beach!! Sometimes you just gotta do it scared feeling kinda like shit.
Am I avoiding the thing or getting to the thing? I have a lot of demand avoidance around just, y'know, getting up, getting ready and going out the door. Universal human experience. If I notice that doing the actual thing (Swim in the pool!) sounds nice, but I’m avoiding having to rally myself to go do that (Fetch swimsuit! Sunscreen! Towel!), then I know it’s demand avoidance and I should just fucking go.
Is the thing making me feel excited at all or just anxious? I have had previous occasions when I did the opposite; I convinced myself it was just demand avoidance when I really just. Hated the thing. And wanted to stop. If you feel a mix of excitement and dread, or excitement and anxiety, that might be demand avoidance. But if thinking of doing the thing just makes you feel actively anxious, then yeah. You don’t want to do the thing.
Do the thing a little bit. Used often with dishes. I’ve seen this advice float around Tumblr a lot and it’s correct. Commit to doing just a bit of the thing; a little bit of the thing; the smallest bit of the thing you can do. Getting started will make it clear right away if you don’t want to do it (and in that case, you have permission to stop), or if you just having trouble getting started.
You suddenly find yourself in the world of Sornieth! Thanks to magic, you can turn yourself into any dragon breed you want. Assume the gender/colors/element are what you want. This isn’t necessarily about your favorite breed, but which breed YOU would be most comfortable being!
Which breed are you choosing to turn into? (Modern edition)
1. Anyone who in good faith uses a label is fine to use it for themselves
2. There is no way to always tell who is using it in good faith
3. Act like everyone is using it in good faith.
4. …including assholes clearly IDing to be an ass. Treating them like they mean it is a quick way to make an asshole get yuckied out and knock it off. If they seem to be committed to the bit, maybe they really mean it
I did that to a guy. He wanted to be a wolverine, clearly being an asshole to try and play a “gotcha!” game. I called him Wolverine in place of any pronoun at all. He looked angry after a while, so I stopped. When he left, he mumbled “not what I fucking meant” and sounded like he might do some thinking.
Quick reminder that you don’t need a solid sexuality! You can just be in love! Or not be in love! Or have a gender! Labels are a choice, not a requirement. All you need to do is be someone you like being! If labels help with that, great! But they are not required. You don’t owe it to anyone, so don’t feel pressured to choose labels if they aren’t your thing!
